I can’t talk about it…

I can’t talk about this. Not in public, at least. If you’re a really close friend, and you’re local, and we’re face-to-face, and we have the time, maybe. But then, it’s still hard. It’s too much. Too fresh. Too painful. I’m too sad. I’m heartbroken. I’m ashamed. I’m racked with guilt and suffering and loss. For my son. For a system that’s broken. For lives lost.

I’m not sure how much more I could say even if I could. The investigation is still ongoing. The charges still yet to be filed. The preliminary hearing, still yet to be scheduled. I know as much as anyone else who happened to catch the local news does. Really. This isn’t like in the movies. The system is opaque and slow and confusing. They don’t tell anyone much unless they need to know.

I don’t know what really happened or how or why. Likely, no one else outside of those directly involved with the case do either. And even they likely will never get a complete picture because the only person who was there and is still alive has long had an illness that distorts the very meaning and understanding of reality. He may not even remember anything at all about it or it may have been a voice that told him or it may have been something he thought he was watching on television.

What I can say is that I’m barely holding on. This is testing the limits of my own struggles with mental illness. That which I have worked most of my life to manage. Through mindfulness practice I’ve been mostly above water for over a decade. But, I feel like I’m just treading water right now and I’m getting tired. If not for my wife and my daughter and my other son and his mother and all of of the other people I need to focus on and be "there for"… Well sometimes the best support one can receive is having others to give support to.

So, I’m not sure what more to say. He’s my son and I hope this leads to him getting the help he’s long needed. That we’ve long hoped he would. Before it came to something like this.

I need to be silent for a while. There’s not much I can talk about besides this and since I can’t talk about this that means I likely should avoid talking about anything in a public space.

If you want to reach out via email or message just to say hello or check in, that’d be great. I’ll try to reply.

I can’t talk about it…

I can’t talk about this. Not in public, at least. If you’re a really close friend, and you’re local, and we’re face-to-face, and we have the time, maybe. But then, it’s still hard. It’s too much. Too fresh. Too painful. I’m too sad. I’m heartbroken. I’m ashamed. I’m racked with guilt and suffering and loss. For my son. For a system that’s broken. For lives lost.

I’m not sure how much more I could say even if I could. The investigation is still ongoing. The charges still yet to be filed. The preliminary hearing, still yet to be scheduled. I know as much as anyone else who happened to catch the local news does. Really. This isn’t like in the movies. The system is opaque and slow and confusing. They don’t tell anyone much unless they need to know.

I don’t know what really happened or how or why. Likely, no one else outside of those directly involved with the case do either. And even they likely will never get a complete picture because the only person who was there and is still alive has long had an illness that distorts the very meaning and understanding of reality. He may not even remember anything at all about it or it may have been a voice that told him or it may have been something he thought he was watching on television.

What I can say is that I’m barely holding on. This is testing the limits of my own struggles with mental illness. That which I have worked most of my life to manage. Through mindfulness practice I’ve been mostly above water for over a decade. But, I feel like I’m just treading water right now and I’m getting tired. If not for my wife and my daughter and my other son and his mother and all of of the other people I need to focus on and be "there for"… Well sometimes the best support one can receive is having others to give support to.

So, I’m not sure what more to say. He’s my son and I hope this leads to him getting the help he’s long needed. That we’ve long hoped he would. Before it came to something like this.

I need to be silent for a while. There’s not much I can talk about besides this and since I can’t talk about this that means I likely should avoid talking about anything in a public space.

If you want to reach out via email or message just to say hello or check in, that’d be great. I’ll try to reply.

How can I help you?

I’m asking, because it’s what I do. To some it may sound hokey or, to the skeptical, disingenuous, but it is really what I love to do — especially through my written work. Some may say it’s my personal brand. I like to say that writing is how I make this world better, friendlier, stronger place. The way that happens is this; if my words or advice can help just one person, even just a little bit, it makes them feel better. They, in turn, are more likely to help those around them, and so on and so on. Thus, the whole world gets a little bit better.

Perhaps, my books can help you. Get this one if you are looking to achieve a simpler or more intentional life. If you are looking for a more mindful approach to technology, this one is the one for you — even if you don’t use Apple products most of the ideas still apply. If you are looking for practical, actionable, advice on living, this one will help you for sure.

I’ve also published a book about writing (especially for an online audience) and one on meditation that anyone can do. These are meant to help too.

I also have a free newsletter that has been warmly received. The schedule, format, and topics are irregular but I’m confident that those that subscribe find something helpful show up in their email inboxes every once in a while. Take a look at the archive if you’d like to get a sense of what I write about there.

Sometimes, I speak to organizations and groups and try to help them. If you are a part of an organization or team that you think would benefit please let me know.

Finally, I now offer personal one-to-one sessions for those seeking my direct help, counsel, and advice. Rates can vary based on level of engagement. Get in touch to discuss pricing and details to fit your need and budget.

The bottom line is that I’m always looking for ways I can help others. It’s who I am. It’s what I do. Let me know if there is some way I can help you.

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