During the daytime work hours my daughter, Beatrix, is taken care of at the home of a young lady (whom I will call “CJ” for the reasons of safety and privacy) and her son, who is about a year and a half older than Beatrix. We think the world of her (of both of them actually). She treats Beatrix with the same love, kindness and compassion she displays for her own child. She is extremely active and loves to take them to museums, parks, zoos, play dates – basically anything to keep them the happiest of children. It’s perfect.

CJ is from England and still has a very proper accent. Being an unabashed Anglophile myself, this only helps solidify her position as a permanent addition to our extended family. It has also been a fascinating experiment in the nature of language learning and linguistics with the test subject being Beatrix.

You see, when Beatrix is around CJ or, in conversation discussing anything related to CJ or her son, she uses British terms in place of American ones where a difference exists. For instance…

• Shopping Cart = Trolley
• Trash Can = Rubbish Bin (Bin for short)
• Diaper = Nappy
• Trunk = Boot

When she is with us or speaking to us, she uses the American phrase. In other words, she has become bilingual in two versions of the English language and, at age two and a half, knows which of these two “languages” to speak based upon the others in conversation with her.

For those of you who are in bilingual homes or have immersion school/daycare experience, this may be just the way it works. That said, to see it happen within the confines of a language that is largely shared is a fascinating peek into the way the brain works and how important it is that we expose our children to such experiences at the earliest age possible.

Everyone has daydreams and fantasies. I’m betting for the most part, the things people fantasize about are fairly common. Being wealthy, for instance. Traveling the world. Secret crushes. Super powers. You know, the usual.

That said, I’m not sure about mine. I don’t know if the central theme of my daydreams are universally shared or if I am a kook and should be voted for the most likely to hospitalized for their own protection. Hence my desire to share it. To put it out there to see how others respond. I need to know if I should check myself in somewhere “safe” as soon as possible.

There is one theme to all of my my deepest and most personal fantasies. One that propels me into internalized fits of longing and desire. One I think about daily, and some days hourly. The central theme that seems to intersect every thing I dream…

Silence.

Gosh, you have no idea. You have no idea how many collective hours I have spent fantasizing about what it might be like to live in a monastery practicing a vow of silence. How compelling the thought is of walking alone down some long cobbled road as far as it will take me away to distant places. How I see the dystopian movies depicting the last man on earth, and think “Lucky him!”, right before the zombie hoards arrive and destroy what I see as his world of quiet bliss.

I’ve had this fantasy for as long as I can remember. Perhaps it is driven by my introverted nature. Perhaps it is because I have always obsessed over the things I’m not good at. Perhaps it is a very common and universal desire. Perhaps I am really odd in this respect. Perhaps it grows stronger the more “connected” I feel thanks to our modern world. All I really do know is that there are many moments I would trade all I have for a life of simple silence, contemplation, and solitude. Is that really so strange?

My first time taking a Meyers-Briggs Personality Assessment, I questioned my MBTI score enough that I decided to take many more, at different times, to see if they would come out the same. They all did.

For those that don’t know what the heck I am talking about (which I assume is most of you), the score derived from this test is called the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) To catch you up to speed, here is what Wikipedia has to say about the MBTI:

The MBTI preferences indicate the differences in people based on the following:

▪ How they focus their attention or get their energy (Extraversion or Introversion)

▪ How they perceive or take in information (Sensing or iNtuition)

▪ How they prefer to make decisions (Thinking or Feeling)

▪ How they orient themselves to the external world (Judgment or Perception)

By using their preference in each of these areas, people develop what Jung and Myers called psychological type. This underlying personality pattern results from the dynamic interaction of their four preferences, in conjunction with environmental influences and their own individual tendencies. People are likely to develop behaviors, skills, and attitudes based on their particular type. Each personality type has its own potential strengths as well as areas that offer opportunities for growth.

My MBTI is INFJ – which stands for Introversion, iNtuition, Feeling, Judging. That said, I want to mainly focus on that first part because that is the surprise – I’m an Introvert. Why is this a surprise? Because most people who know me in real life, and those that know me online, would likely never guess it.

The reason is that I do a good job of hiding this fact. I mask how completely draining most social interactions greater than a one on one conversation are to me. How much I value and protect my alone time. How my ability to interact socially, and talk, and appear outgoing, and speak my mind is a complete smokescreen to mask what I really feel – which is “I hate this. I’m frightened. Get me out of here so I can be alone”. That going to a small gathering exhausts me for a day. That going to a large event, means that it will take me weeks to fully recover. The way I hide this is by finding someone, or a group of people, that I know and talking their ear off. I cling to them for dear life in the hopes that I won’t have to be confronted with my sheer terror of the situation. Because these people see me as talkative, open, and liable to say anything, they likely assume that I am as outgoing, jovial, and energetic as any Extrovert. And don’t even get me started if I am somewhere I have never been and don’t know anyone. Putting me in a room with a group of people I do not know is like putting me in a tank full of sharks – I remain very still and quiet as possible and pray no one sees me while looking for the easiest exit.

Introversion in the MBTI does not always mean someone who can’t be social or behave in ways that the world would perceive as outgoing. In fact, many famous people and leaders would also fall in the Introversion spectrum. For instance, Martin Luther King, Mahatma Gandhi, and Nelson Mandela are all INFJs. It does mean that Extroversion is not where we derive our energy. It, in fact, drains it and that we can only recharge that energy through solitude.

What I have always found interesting, and this is purely my own anecdotal observation, is that most Extroverts have no capacity to understand Introverts. They just don’t get it. No matter how many times we might explain to them who we are, how we react in social situations, and how we feel. If you are an Introvert in a relationship with an Extrovert, it is not uncommon when having had a few days full of many gatherings, and then complaining about how tired you are, for them to cajole you into attending another. The reason being is that they derive their energy from such social interactions and have no capacity to understand that such a thing will not be the perfect anecdote to your ills. I should mention that I have spent my life surrounded by Extroverts, including my wife, I think many Introverts are drawn to them. Therefore, my anecdotes are based upon a lifetime of experience.

I guess all of this is just to share a bit about me. Why, though invited, you may not see me at your event, party, dinner or other gathering of two or more. Why, if I do come, and I know someone there, I will seem like a lost puppy, happy to find it’s master. Why you may not see me at another for a while. And why, before reading this, you had no idea why.