Category Archives: personal

“Get away [garbled] … for what? Every time you see me, you want to mess with me. I’m tired of it. It stops today. Why would you…? Everyone standing here will tell you I didn’t do nothing. I did not sell nothing. Because every time you see me, you want to harass me. You want to stop me (garbled) Selling cigarettes. I’m minding my business, officer, I’m minding my business. Please just leave me alone. I told you the last time, please just leave me alone. Please please, don’t touch me. Do not touch me.” — A few of the last words of Eric Garner

I’ve been thinking about the phrase “I can’t breathe”. The actual last words of Eric Garner, who was choked to death by a NYPD officer — who so far has gotten away with the murder. This phrase has since been adopted by those protesting the persistent and unchecked police brutality so prevalent in our nation — especially against people of color. And, while I admire the feeling of helplessness the phrase evokes, a feeling that so many feel in the face of current circumstances, I can’t help but feel, personally, that there is something a bit defeatist about it. I try to put myself in Mr. Garner’s shoes and wonder if lying on the ground, struggling for life, saying that phrase over and over again is how I would want to be remembered.

It stops today.

Instead, it was something Eric Garner said before the choking. It was a statement of defiance. One spoken by a proud man who was tired. Tired of being stopped and harassed for little more reason than being Black in America. A tiredness experienced by far too many who suffer the same. If I were Eric Garner, I would want to be remembered for standing up and saying “It stops today. ” Not for being wrestled to the ground and choked out but for standing tall and proud and asserting my rights as a citizen and a human being. I would want that to be a rallying cry of protest. I would want that to become the song of freedom that brings long sought justice to those being oppressed.

Let us remember him this way. The way we remember Rosa Parks. Proud, tired, and stating with fierce dignity, “It stops today”.

My little girl, Beatrix, has many unique and endearing qualities. But, one of my favorites is this: With almost everyone she meets, she will notice and pick out one thing she likes and then tell them.

“I like your dress.”

“That’s a pretty necklace you’re wearing”

“You have a nice smile.”

“You are very handsome.”

We are currently on a trip that is partly research for a future book and part vacation. Because of the sorts and frequency of encounters we have with people we have not met or only deal with in passing, I’ve had the occation to notice how much she does this. And I am always giddy at seeing the delight of these people, completely disarmed by the perceptiveness and charm of a six year old. One who always finds something nice to say about everyone.

She does this on her own and without prompting from either of us. It is not something we have explicitly or implicitly taught her to do. Nor does she see us do it with such frequency. Especially not with complete strangers or during transactional interactions (i.e store clerks, wait staff, etc.) as she almost always does. It’s just who she is.

It has occurred to me how much better everything might be if we all found one thing with everyone we meet and said something nice about it or them. Even (or especially) those times it is most hard to find something. For instance, someone we disagree with or someone we don’t particularly like.

It also has occurred to me that, in order to practice this regularly one must be fully present in their encounters. You can’t pay partial attention to the checkout person while rustling for your credit cards. You have to be fully present with them to notice the nice earrings they are wearing or the spectacular color of their eyes. And, if you are more present with everyone you meet, you are also more present in that moment with yourself.

That said, I aim to take a lesson from my daughter and do so more often. Not just to make the world a bit better and someone else’s day a bit better but to at the same time make myself a bit better too.

If you like this post, you’ll also like my latest book — This Could Help. Buy it today in Paperback, ePub, or Kindle