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If you have been reading this site or listened to the Enough podcast for long enough, you know I’m always trying crazy experiments. Like going a week without things I use or writing a book on my iPad. Ask me on almost any day and I have some sort of insane idea I’m trying out. My latest seems to have attracted more attention than I ever thought it would.

On a recent episode of the podcast, I discussed a plan for yet another crazy experiment. – To reduce my Mac to the out of the box install and limit myself to only five third party apps and utilities (feel free to listen). The reason? Well, it is the same as any other crazy experiment I do: It’s an attempt to find what is “Enough” for me. That tricky and ever shifting balance between want and need. I want to explore these things for myself in the hopes it will inspire others to do the same.

In everything I do and try to communicate here, what matters is that I am not only asking the question, “What is enough?” but I am actively seeking answers.

All. The. Time.

The thing about that answer is that the only person that can answer it correctly is the person who is living it. In other words, I can’t tell you what is enough for you. You have to ask and answer what is enough for you. I can only tell you what is enough for me. I can only explain how I went about discovering that answer for myself in the hopes it will give you a potential path, of which there may be many, to the answer that is right for you.

So, why five apps? Why not ten? Twenty? Well, let me tell you a little secret…

It’s a MacGuffin. Which, according to the canonical authoritative source of all truth and knowledge, Wikipedia, is:

A MacGuffin (sometimes McGuffin or maguffin) is “a plot element that catches the viewers’ attention or drives the plot of a work of fiction”. The defining aspect of a MacGuffin is that the major players in the story are (at least initially) willing to do and sacrifice almost anything to obtain it, regardless of what the MacGuffin actually is. In fact, the specific nature of the MacGuffin may be ambiguous, undefined, generic, left open to interpretation or otherwise completely unimportant to the plot. Common examples are money, victory, glory, survival, a source of power, a potential threat, or it may simply be something entirely unexplained.

OK. Understood? Great. But I want to highlight one specific part again as it relates to my point:

In fact, the specific nature of the MacGuffin may be ambiguous, undefined, generic, left open to interpretation or otherwise completely unimportant to the plot.

In the case of almost every experiment I do, there is a MacGuffin that fits this description. In the case of “A week without…” the MacGuffin is the week itself. The important part is that I’m actively trying to evaluate not only my need and use of a thing but also its value to me and where it fits in my life. In the case of writing a book on my iPad, the MacGuffin was the iPad. I mean, I could have chosen any tool to replace the way I commonly would write a book – my iPhone, pen and paper, etc. The reason was simply the inherent challenges that may come from doing so and to evaluate if the tool was better for me than the one I would normally use.

In the particular case of my “Five apps” experiment, it is the number is that MacGuffin. The number is unimportant. I could have chosen any number of apps. It does not matter. What does matter is that I am asking a question about what enough is for me when it comes to the things I have chosen to install on my Mac and am seeking an answer.

The theme here is that everyone has a balance that works for them. I’m actively seeking mine. If I wish to inspire anything at all in doing this, it is that others actively seek what is the proper balance for them. You should ask and answer what is enough for you. I’m only here to help. But, please, do not get hung up on the MacGuffin or you may very well miss the point and be left with more questions than answers.

Most people just don’t get it. What is the appeal of a nice pen? Why a fountain pen? I mean, let’s be straight here, there are a lot of reasons a cheap stick pen, mistakenly pocketed from from your local bank branch, would be considered superior over just about any fountain pen. You don’t have to fill them (which often gets ink on the hands thus staining them for a day or three). They write, reliably and with no bleed through, on just about any type of paper. You don’t have to worry about losing it or loaning it to one in need. If it runs out of ink or breaks, it is practically free to replace.

Yes, all of this is true. But, will that cheap pen ever become imbibed with your character? Will you form a bond with it that is unique to you? Will you know it’s quirks as well as it knows yours? Will it, because of these things, remain with you for a length of time and to the extent that if ever parted from your grasp it will feel as if losing a limb? Will the nib shape to your style? Will your grasp shape to the barrel? Will such a pen ever become a part of you?

These are the things that drive my passion for beautiful pens. Most specifically, fountain pens. The relationship between a writer, the tool, the ink, the page, and the words, demand intimacy. Connection. Extension. I need to know the nib, the ink, the paper and, perhaps more importantly, it needs to know me. It needs to know my hand such that it slowly becomes it. It needs to know my preferences such that it expects them. It needs to know my quirks such that it accommodates them. In my experience, The more care and quality that goes into the production of such an instrument, the more the pen will give to these things.

The Perdice Bradford is such a pen. It is a hand crafted limited edition and stems from a collaboration between the heads of the Pear Tree Pen Company and the Edison Pen Company.

The barrel is made from an extraordinarily scarce acrylic seen before only in the Sheaffer Balance II. The model provided to me for review is an intense and rich tortoise shell bursting with hints of sunlight gold. The nib, made of 18K Gold, is nothing short of a work of artistry. It is one of the smoothest I have ever experienced fresh out of the box. It can be ordered in a choice of fine, medium or broad-tip (I tried the fine, which was perfect lovely). In addition, custom ground extra fine or italic nibs can be special ordered for slightly more.

For my testing purposes, I used Pelikan 4001 black ink. Not the most interesting choice but one that I knew would provide me a consistent flow for ease of comparison to other pens I’ve tried or own. The pen certainly took well to it and laid down a consistent line that, due to a very slight flex in the nib, was not devoid of personality. Exactly what one would want from a pen of such quality and something that would grow with the writer over time.

Every single detail of this pen reveals the caliber of the craft, both that of the maker and that of the writer. The price, starting at $325.00, is reasonable considering this fact. This is a pen that, with the proper care, will outlast you and give your descendants, should they chose to use it, as many hours of writing pleasure as it provided you.

The only drawback in the experience is that I must send this one back. It is number seven out of a total of ten that will be made. My only hope is that it will be appreciated as much by the buyer as it has been by me during my time with it. Perhaps, that buyer will read this review one day and drop me a card written with this fine pen. Thus, binding us in greeting and familiarity as only a good pen can.

I keep secrets. I think most of us do. It’s an interesting paradox in this increasingly connected twitter-facebook-blogging-here-is-what-was-in-my-breakfast world. Turns out there is a whole world of private writing that is going on all around us by people we know. There have always been many that keep a paper diary or journal. What I’m fascinated by is all the ious methods being employed, especially the traditionally public digital tools, that now allow this kind of private or semi-private confession.

I recently became a little obsessed with this topic and put out a call to folks I know to ask them the hows and whys behind the private blogs and accounts they keep. I’ve asked if I could post their answers here, with the promise of anonymity. I’ve done all I can to strip out any identifiable information. Therefore, some of the wording has changed from the originals provided. Without further ado…

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In deference my seemingly outgoing, say anything to anyone, personality – I actually share very little. People who know me would likely describe me as an extrovert. In fact, I find strength in solitude and privacy. If I spend to much time around people, even people I love, I tire easily and need to retreat for a few days or even weeks. There are things that I think and express daily that even those closest to me will never know. It’s part of who I am.

I think there are many reasons I am compelled to do this. If I write that I feel down, or sad, or lonely, to myself, getting it out there – putting a name on it – actually helps me overcome it. Same thing with how I feel about someone, if I express it it helps me deal with those feelings in a way I can’t internally.

For instance, I have had a practice for years of writing letters to people that I never plan on sending. Everything from things I wished I could say to the crushes I’ve had, things I’ve wanted to say to people close to me that I feared might ruin our relationship or cause ill will, and very mean things to people I’ve been angry with. I write these letters in text files and I keep them in an encrypted and passworded archive.

I also tweet things into Birdhouse on my iPhone that I never plan on actually sending out. I’m tempted to make a separate secret twitter account just to separate that stuff from the stuff I actually tweet from there just in case. That said, it’s built in “are you sure” feature keeps me from making a mistake.

I recently started to wonder if I was the only person doing this. Even someone who enjoys solitude is often comforted by not feeling “alone”.

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I keep a bunch of things — draft blog posts that I’ve never published, emails I’ve sent to myself, text files on my computer. I don’t really have a definitive place for them. Most of them are long-ish pieces that remind me of something I figured out and really don’t want to forget. For instance, I recently realized that this weird obsession I’ve always had with wanting to be a “celebrity” (I know, that sounds really lame — guess why it was always private thing) was actually an obsession with wanting to be happy being a creative person. It was just a co-incidence that, up until recently, all the creative people I looked up to happened to be really famous. I’ve now found a whole bunch of people who aren’t really famous by any real-world metric but are successful on their own level and whose work I find really inspiring. One of the things I wrote down is that I don’t have to have that traditional “fame” to be happy being a creative person. I just want to find my niche, find that thing I’m great at, do that thing and don’t worry about what other people think — the right people will get it, and who cares about the rest.

Why write that kind of stuff down? I find that by writing it down, I know exactly what I think about something, rather than have it swish-swashing around in my head with all of the other semi-opinions about half-topics. At the end of writing, I have a concise piece of writing that describes exactly how I feel about a certain topic.

Another reason I write those things is kind of the converse of the first reason — sometimes I’ll start writing something to myself, forming an argument or something, only to find that my opinion is totally wrong (maybe the premise was off-base, maybe I was making some assumptions that were too far-fetched, maybe I can’t find a way to justify something I just wrote). Writing down what I think is a great way for me to make sure that what I think is actually true and right and/or find out if it’s totally wrong.

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Long ago, I used to try to write in a notebook every day. A couple years ago, I went back and read through that notebook, and it was interesting to see what I was doing/thinking 10 years ago. It occurred to me that blogging software would be perfect for that kind of thing; it would even be searchable, etc. So as an experiment, I set up Apache, MySQL, PHP, and wordpress on my laptop. It was perfect. I had my own blog, but it was local to my laptop.

A couple years ago, I took a trip far away. I wanted to be able to communicate with my family while I was gone, so I moved my blog online, where it still is today. The catch is that I block search engines, so anyone can read it if they know where to find it, but it doesn’t show up in any online searches. As far as I know, only my wife, daughter, and a few of my siblings ever read it.

So it’s not that I’m writing super secret private things. I just find that writing helps me organize my thoughts; that’s why I do it. So unlike most blogs, I’m not advertising or looking for more subscribers. I don’t mind if a few people read it, but I also don’t care if nobody does.

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I use Expression Engine to run a members-only site. I also use robot.txt files to block it from search engines, and the domain is privately registered. I will be writing a PHP script, too that redirects anyone who might find it through a search engine back to the referring search engine. Nope, not paranoid. At all.

I use a locked down twitter account as well under a name that most people would never guess. Just in case they search for me…

I keep the most private, venty type things in a Moleskine, because somethings REALLY don’t need to be on teh interwebs. *grin*

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I use a secret wordpress blog which i protected through several password systems in which i post kind of a private journal to collect my thoughts and my very private ups and downs in life. I use it every end of the year to have kind of a backview of my passing life and to hand it over to my kinds once i will have to die. It will be a very private present for them.

Additionally, I use a second blog just for my close friends which is also password protected, so that they can follow me while i am traveling. I came up with this idea because i have a lot of international friends and so i can keep in touch with them on a special way.

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I started an “anonymous” blog on Blogger in 2002. Created a self-deprecating pen name and blogged about my depression, anger and ADD to no one in particular. I figured eventually I would find an audience of people who would read me, even if they did not agree with me.

I was driven to anonymity from being so bold (or stupid) as to write openly, online, about feelings as myself. This lead to trouble in my primary relationship and of course curious parents with web browsers could also find and read the same things—which lead to awkward conversations. In my online travels I noted people who were writing things I suspected or things I had been thinking, but doing so freely under assumed names. I decided I wanted that for myself.

Currently I own a domain name, a TypePad account, Tumblr blog, a Gmail address, and a Twitter account for this alter-ego. My domain registrar has identity obfuscation tools, allegedly for security, but through which I can remain compliant with ICANN without revealing to any WHOIS request who I really am. But I am not so foolish as to think anything I do can’t be found out. I assume most people in my life don’t know, but I also assume more people know than will tell me.

I don’t mind telling people that I write under a pen-name, but there are very few circles in which I would reveal my topics of interest let alone the alias I use. I revealed my identity to one old friend, left a breadcrumb trail for another, and I would not have been engaged to the woman I am engaged to without it. But it is risky. The one person who I most did not want to find out about it did ultimately find out, though my own mis-steps. An alter-ego is not to be taken lightly. I have created and destroyed relationships directly and indirectly as a result.

That said, on the same token that alter-ego has opened doors, revealed new worlds, and lead to much deeper understanding of myself than would have been possible without it. It gave me the chance to take risks that I would never have before, and, dare I say it, the bonds I forged through it buoyed me during some of the darkest times of my life.

I apologize if this is particularly cagey, but I am still protective.

A final thought is that I suspect many technical and web-savvy people have donned alter-egos at least once. I know some who have had many identities, simultaneously or serially. Most “anonymous” blogs have a shelf life of 6 to 9 months. Either the raison d’etre disappears, they are found out, or they realize it’s a lot of work. And it is.

For me, it’s a labor of love. I relish the sense of risk, the clandestine, and the other-worldly or under-worldly aspects. And, ultimately, I do it for the feedback that I am not alone, that in the world there are people who think in feel in many ways the same as I. No matter how frank I am, no matter the topic, I am encouraged for the honesty and the willingness to put it into words. Rarely does anyone troll or flame me.

I’m pretty grateful for that.