Category Archives: personal

Running In Place

I’ve been struggling lately. It’s not a depression per se. I know what that is. I’m not sure what this is. A low level malaise, perhaps. But not quite.

It basically is this, no matter how much I get done over the course of a day, no matter how productive I am, I still feel like I’ve gotten nothing done, am way behind, am dropping balls, and have no hope of catching up. And, like all such dark visitors, it has the effective self-fulfilling results of actually getting nothing done that I want to get done (despite my getting plenty done otherwise).

I write a lot but not what I wish I was writing. I check tasks off the list but not what I feel I should be checking. I get to the end of the day, look around, and can actually see my accomplishments, but all I can focus on is that which I did not.

I’ve taken to logging all of the things I do into Day One. I already am capturing and logging much of my online work and travels as well, thanks to Slogger. My hope was that it would provide an even better picture of what I’m up to. A lens of credibility and truth that would fight back and prove my feelings a lie.

Thus far, it’s not working. And I don’t have a Plan B.

Night Runs

I love them. Ever since I picked up the running bug a couple of years ago I’ve found that it is my favorite time to run.

Just got back from a short but fast 2.5 mile jaunt. It was pretty hot today (mid-90s) but has cooled off to a very comfortable mid 70s this evening. There is a light cool breeze blowing fairly steady. There was a gorgeous crescent moon in the sky and what I believe to be Procyon shining bright just southwest of it’s tip.

The street I run on1 is a very popular street for runners and walkers. And, why not, it is a perfect bouled for running. Fairly straight, moderate inclines and declines, and super easy to gauge pace and distance. It is also is beautiful and full of well maintained Victorian era mansions. So, it is no surprise that it is well trafficked during the day. But at night, after 10pm or so most days, it is pretty quiet. When I run at this time, despite the occasional car or bike or pedestrian, I feel like I have it all to myself.

I find this is my best time to think during my run. To just let my mind go or concentrate on my breathing. Especially lately as I have been feeling rather off. A good night run makes me feel a bit more on.

  1. For those familiar with Saint Paul, I run on Summit Avenue. Here are some facts that even most locals don’t know about Summit Avenue. Beginning at Dale St. and going all the way to Cretin Ave., every stoplight is a half a mile (So, Dale to Victoria is a half mile. Dale to Lexington is a full mile). There are four blocks between each stoplight. This makes each block 1/8 of a mile. Therefore, if you are running quarter mile intervals, you know it is on/off every two blocks. Final pro tip: From the corner of Dale to the first crosswalk at Saint Thomas and back is exactly 10k. ↩

Empty

I’ve missed a couple of days this week in my daily posting. Mea culpa. What can I say? One should not dwell on such things. The world didn’t end after all. One picks up and moves on…

But, what exactly do we pick up? What do we pick up from failure? Even when it is mostly ourselves we’ve failed? What do we move on with?

Hopefully, we pick up lessons learned. We move on with the knowledge learned from these.

For me, I think part of my failure to honor my commitment here is not a lack of writing or things to write about. It is, in fact, that right now I have too much to write about. I’m actively writing two books that are greatly related. One of them is released and people have paid for. Therefore, my head space dwells mostly in that subject area. The writing I do around this is committed to these two projects such that I have nothing left in me to be shared here.

One of the things I have learned from running is that, in training, you always want to end your run feeling like you have a “bit left in the tank”. In other words, that you could go a little bit further if you wanted to. The fact is that I have not been doing this with my mental energy. I’ve been reaching the end of my day empty.

I think the solution may be to change my strategy a bit. Perhaps to share some of the research and process and ancillary thinking that is going into the other work. Perhaps seeing some of this will be useful and revelatory to you. Perhaps it may even help you in your own work.

I’ll try that for a while and we’ll see.